Christian Chain Emails

So my buddy at work knows I'm an atheist, and that I'm fairly outspoken about Christianity and all it's bigoted beliefs. We work in separate locations, and apparently one of his coworkers likes to send out Christian chain mails via the company email system. My buddy knows that this kind of stuff really gets me going, so everytime he gets one, he forwards it to me (with addresses removed). He won't tell me who this little nutjob is, but I have my suspicions.

Here's one that he sent me earlier this week:

I LOVE THIS MAN

No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE

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If you love this man please forward to 10 people.

He did something for you, now do something for him.
Spread his word, and you'll be rewarded.
How will you be rewarded?
Matthew 10:32 'Whoever acknowledges Me before men, I will acknowledge him before My Father in heaven. But whoever disowns Me before men, I will disown him before My Father in heaven
God is going to shift things around for you tonight & let things work in your favor. If you believe, send this to ten people. Do not ignore him. You must have unwavering faith

I can't tell you how much this kind of shit annoys me. I don't know what irritates me more: The arrogance of the sender who think it's acceptable to send out unsolicited religious emails, the faulty analogy being used, or the direct fucking order not to question your faith.

The faulty analogy dies out right at the beginning. If we add Jesus to the analogy as our dim-witted Christian intends, it looks like this:

"Nobody falls into love with Jesus by choice, it is by chance."

In Christianity, you must choose Jesus. If you do not consciously choose Jesus, you will perish with all the other cool people in Hell. Thus, this analogy is fucked.

As we proceed down the email, we see a picture of Jesus (whose body is completely hairless, which I find hard to believe). We also encounter font color and size changes, which raise the irritation level even more. Christian craziness is at it's peak here. We have a bold statement of love for Jesus, followed by the guilt-trip inducing "He did something for you, now you do something for Him". Next we have a promise of something intangible for our efforts, a little bit of scripture to really stoke the fires, and finally we end with some Christian "Feel Great" smooth-talking, letting you know that God is gonna "get things working right for you again".

Do people really have that many problems in their lives? If someone told me that "God could get things working well for me again", I would laugh and ask them what it is exactly that I need help with. Perhaps the only people who need help are Christians?

Honestly, I would much rather have daily spam emails telling me that Bill Gates is giving me cash, or that a girl in Africa needs money for polio crutches...at least the people making that shit up aren't telling me how to live my life. Unfortunately, until people begin taking Christians to task on their beliefs and challenging them, we all will be forced to live by their rules and accept these emails with a whimper.

Christianity: What a waste of a perfectly good life!!

I brought this idea up in the forums of the excellent website, WhyDoesGodHateAmputees,
and I thought I'd share it here as well.

Christians are wasting their precious time on this planet. In subscribing to the absurd, irrational belief that they will live for eternity after they die, they waste the time they already possess on earth.

Don't believe me? Let's take a look at some numbers...

Christians are supposed to reserve the Sabbath for the Lord. Here in the United States, this reservation takes the form of Sunday School, Worship Service, and a very large booth at Sizzler followed by a 10% tip.

What does this mean? This means that "true" Christians are spending one day a week devoted to their Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. No big deal, right?

Let's go further. Let's make the following simple assumptions. Let's assume that Suzie Sweetcheeks will have a lifespan of 80 years. Let's further assume that young Suzie begins a regular schedule of church attendance at the age of 10, just in time to avoid the fires of hell were she to perish prematurely. Are these acceptable assumptions?

Okay, so let's now draw a conclusion from this setup.

80 years - 10 years = 70 years of church attendance
1 day per week x 52 weeks per year / 365 days per year = 1/7 or 14.25%

70 years of church attendance x 14.25% = 10 years of church attendance!

Ahem. Ten years of church. Not ten years at one day a week. TEN YEARS, 7 DAYS A WEEK, 365 DAYS A YEAR.

Our country's wars have not lasted that long. Most prison terms do not last that long. This is roughly equivalent to the amount of time a child spends in the K-12th grades. However, they are learning wonderful things about science and language and history and so on. That same time spent over a lifetime in church does nothing. It only breeds bigotry and self-hate.


Perhaps you are one of "those" who thinks that you don't have to go to church? Well, there are some "truer" Christians who disagree with you, just look:

Most of the people, who say such things like," I don't have to go to church." or " I can worship God at home ", have been told by some religious leader that they are " saved ". The truth is, they are lost, and on their way to hell, and the false teacher that told them that they were saved, is lost, and on his or her way to hell also! A link to this nonsense

When you become a Christian, you are called into a relationship with God (1 Corinthians 1:9). But I John 1:3 makes it clear that we enter a fellowship that goes two ways: with God and with other Christians....
A single verse should actually be sufficient answer for this question: Hebrews 10:25 warns its readers against “forsaking the assembly of yourselves together, as the manner of some is.”
Another link to this nonsense

There are those who counter me by stating that Sunday is not spent completely in Church, and so my calculation is flawed. However, I feel this all averages out once you add in the Church Picnics, Church [fat]Camp, Wednesday Night services, Prayer Warrior sessions, and all that other shit that I didn't count.

So let's make one more conclusion based on this...

Atheists and the non-religious can, by virtue of having more time available in their lifetime, do more for the good of humanity than Christians.

If I, as an Atheist, decided to devote the rest of my life to feeding the starving children in Africa, then it would be impossible for a "true" Christian to match my humanitarianism. Simply put, I as an Atheist have my Sundays available for anything I desire. The "true" Christian does not have this luxury...they better have their snouts stuffed into a hymnal, or else.

Even if the Christian had spent only one day in church during their entire lifetime, I would still be able to spend one more day than them, helping people.

Perhaps it's easier to think of in this way:

• Take one Atheist whose entire life is devoted to charitable works.
• Clone that Atheist and make him a Christian.
  

Given the fact that a "true" Christian should be spending time in Church, which of these people can actually makes the bigger positive impact on humanity?

Maybe the Church has a very active missionary contingent which the Christian supports indirectly through tithing. Okay, then maybe the Atheist has started a non-profit with the same manpower as the missionaries, with the difference being that no time is spent teaching about Jesus....We can create examples like this all day, but the facts will not change.

Sadly, the Atheist who individually gives more to humanity than the Christian...that Atheist will burn in Hell. That Atheist is evil, corrupt, and a tool of Satan. And he deserves to suffer eternal separation from God for his actions...Does this seem right to you?

Ten years of life spent in church. For what?