Matthew 24:34
"Truly I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place."

November 2, 2007

Christian Chain Emails

So my buddy at work knows I'm an atheist, and that I'm fairly outspoken about Christianity and all it's bigoted beliefs. We work in separate locations, and apparently one of his coworkers likes to send out Christian chain mails via the company email system. My buddy knows that this kind of stuff really gets me going, so everytime he gets one, he forwards it to me (with addresses removed). He won't tell me who this little nutjob is, but I have my suspicions.

Here's one that he sent me earlier this week:


No one falls in love by
choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by
chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of
love by chance, it is by CHOICE

scroll down

If you love this man please forward to 10 people.

He did something for you, now do something for him.
Spread his word, and you'll be rewarded.
How will you be rewarded?
Matthew 10:32 'Whoever acknowledges Me before men, I will acknowledge him before My Father in heaven. But whoever disowns Me before men, I will disown him before My Father in heaven

God is going to shift things around for you tonight & let things work in your favor. If you believe, send this to ten people. Do not ignore him. You must have unwavering faith

I can't tell you how much this kind of shit annoys me. I don't know what irritates me more: The arrogance of the sender who think it's acceptable to send out unsolicited religious emails, the faulty analogy being used, or the direct fucking order not to question your faith.

The faulty analogy dies out right at the beginning. If we add Jesus to the analogy as our dim-witted Christian intends, it looks like this:

"Nobody falls into love with Jesus by choice, it is by chance."

In Christianity, you must choose Jesus. If you do not consciously choose Jesus, you will perish with all the other cool people in Hell. Thus, this analogy is fucked.

As we proceed down the email, we see a picture of Jesus (whose body is completely hairless, which I find hard to believe). We also encounter font color and size changes, which raise the irritation level even more. Christian craziness is at it's peak here. We have a bold statement of love for Jesus, followed by the guilt-trip inducing "He did something for you, now you do something for Him". Next we have a promise of something intangible for our efforts, a little bit of scripture to really stoke the fires, and finally we end with some Christian "Feel Great" smooth-talking, letting you know that God is gonna "get things working right for you again".

Do people really have that many problems in their lives? If someone told me that "God could get things working well for me again", I would laugh and ask them what it is exactly that I need help with. Perhaps the only people who need help are Christians?

Honestly, I would much rather have daily spam emails telling me that Bill Gates is giving me cash, or that a girl in Africa needs money for polio least the people making that shit up aren't telling me how to live my life. Unfortunately, until people begin taking Christians to task on their beliefs and challenging them, we all will be forced to live by their rules and accept these emails with a whimper.


  1. Admittedly, I cannot stand these emails either. Not only for the sake of mis-use of corporate bandwidth, but mostly for the completely unfounded rewards for compliance. Imagine if Job had forwarded this email to 10 of his friends just prior to Job 1:13? -what a let down. -tg

  2. well i can say you i s that Hopefully one day u realize that what u think about chirstianity is wrong.. JEsus Is the Only way to the father... he died for you to save you. but if you dont want to open your eyes beacuse you are blind. satan has u completety blind.. God still loves you and wants you to come to him... Please realize that u are wrong... and learn more about the word of god...

    i will be praying for you..

  3. Hi guilherme, thank you for your reply!

    You may have missed my earlier posts, but I was raised as a Christian, so I am already familiar with Jesus and God.

    You've appealed to me to "realize that I am wrong". However, you've given me no reason to "realize" anything. Please explain to me the reasons why I should reconsider my views on Christianity?

    I would also like to discuss the story(s) of the Resurrection with you. In which Gospel shall I search for the correct resurrection story?

    After this, let's discuss your reasons for not believing that Muhammed is the true Prophet, and that Allah is really your God?

    Then I'd like to know if you believe that Mormon Joseph Smith was actually visited by the angel Moroni, and whether he is the latest true Prophet of God?

    I want you to open your eyes, but if you prefer to be blinded by Satan, there isn't really much I can do for you.

    I will pray for you as well...

  4. Just a few comments...
    Interesting that for someone who doesn't believe in God how much time you're devoting to Him in your blog...
    - Glad you're a happy little atheist. you're happy. so what?!God never promised believers that we'd be happy & that non-believers would be unhappy. You should know that.

    - And, yes, OMG, "Jesus-chain-emails" are SO amazingly annoying! I'm a Christian and even I can't stand them! Just makes us all look like idiots sometime.

    - Regarding all those nagging little Jesus-guilt trips and doubts you'll always have... ever considered that that's actually God speaking to your heart?... could be your wife is actually the brainwashed one.

    - Church only one day a week? God is with me all the time, 24/7 I can talk with Him anywhere I am.

    Gotta go, late for a date.

    Faith Hope & Love

  5. Thank you for your post Elsa.

    Please note that my devoting time to talking bad about your big strong, powerful (dare I say good-looking?) God doesn't make your God any more real. I know this is a common tactic being employed nowadays by Christians, but it is without substance.

    For example, I could just as easily respond in kind: "Elsa, it's odd that a person who believes in Jesus devotes so much time to refuting Atheists on the internet." Aha, God doesn't exist!!

    I appreciate your attack on my 'brainwashed' wife, that was very nice of you. Do you mind if we both share a laugh at your expense?

    Thank you also for referring to me as a "happy little atheist'. Does it irritate you to know that I'm happy without your God?

    It's scary that you talk to an imaginary friend at any/all times of the day and night. If your imaginary friend tells you to murder your children, should we prosecute you in court as a criminal or will this be a valid action ordered by God (with Biblical precedent)?

    Glad to hear you're dating! Don't get too crazy out there, and remember: NO BIRTH CONTROL and NO ABORTIONS! If you're going to have sex, it better be after marriage.

    I will pray to Muhammed and ask that you see the light of Islam, before it's too late.

    God bless you, happy little christian.

    -Pastor D

  6. Hello there! I am the athiest's wife. Since you mentioned about me in the comment so I can't be quiet. I can't brain wash him since he is educated, smart, mature and responsible, only one place that brain washed him was CHURCH since he was a baby.

    I am not Christian and I don't care about it at all but after married with THIS man who told me about how THEY create problems in the society, that's make me concerned too. Be noted that I was the one who told him to ignore THEM and let THEY believe what THEY believe, who cares?

    Oh! BTW, I feel sorry for your marriage life beside your believe too. You made me feel I am the most lucky woman in the world,
    who married THIS man.

    PRAY MORE & Good luck

    P.S. I still can't believe that civilized & educated people still believe in THING that you can't even prove and the most funniest is
    "The Earth is only 6000 years old"

  7. I am happy to have happened upon this site. We have to expose these nonsensical chain emails for what they are. I recieved a sick one once about a girl who was brutally raped and several years saw her rapist in church. Where he proceeded to ask for her forgiveness and professed to have found the lord. They ended up getting married. It was supposed to be a testement to how the lord can work in mysterious ways.I was besides myself with disgust.

  8. Thank you for your comment A. Yes indeed, not only is the email you mention a testament to the mystery of the Christian God, but it is also a testament to how great He is to bring those two lovebirds together in such a miraculous way!

    There's really no way around it...if you believe in the Magical Mystery Man, then you'd have to believe that this was His plan all along. Pretty sad that mature adults could think this way, eh?

    Thanks again for your response.

  9. I am soooo glad I found this place. We can team up. I'll be your trusty turtle sidekick! Funny how people will laugh at other religions with disgust and wonder "how do they believe that crap," and then start spouting quotes from the book of random fairy tales (Bible).

  10. Hey Now Reb, thanks for the reply dude! Yes, this religious stuff is certainly all nonsense. And they call atheists close-minded...

  11. I was wondering if anyone know of any religious chain emails antidote website offerings, that manufacture and disperse material in direct contrast to the crap religious zealots send to pollute ppl's inbox? Something that I/we can send with similar appeal except that it provides a well deserved swift kick to the jaw when they read the email. I have good friends who constantly send me these disgusting emails. Sometimes I open the emails unaware of what it is about (just as they intended) then as I read, it unfolds slowly, what kind of email it is. By then its to late and all I can do is hit delete and count to ten, slowly. They have very clever ways of disguising their emails topic headings. I want to level the playing field, and get my views across, like they do theirs. And if they find it offensive when they read such emails, then the shoe would be on the other foot, and I would say "welcome to my world."

  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  13. I can't stand those either...and I'm a Christian.

  14. I just "replied to all" with the following to a chain email sent to me at work :
    I have strong feeling about these types of messages because I feel that they often cause more harm than good by placing a divide between “good Christian people” and the rest of the “heathens”. If you care to know more about the types of harm I’m talking about, feel free to read the somewhat lengthy article below. I don’t believe that Christianity and goodness are synonyms. While Jesus Christ did and taught wonderful things during his life, the aftermath has been less than desirable. I would urge that instead of spending 60 seconds to forward this, that you could maybe instead take the time to send a personal note of support to a friend or loved one or to maybe “Google” a social cause that you believe in and donate some time or money to further it. Much love and respect to you all. Thank you.

  15. Here is the article:'s_Social_Harms.htm